On Your Deathbed

2023-01-20 · essays

Not my words: a monologue by Exurb1a, which I posted on 2023-01-20 because it said something I could not.

People tell you examples of other people who made it and say they were in your place one day.

They were never in your place.
No one has ever been in your place.
No one has ever suffered the same way you did.
You are humanity’s ultimate disgrace...You are the misfortune of all humanity, aren’t you?

On your deathbed, you will think back on your life, and you might have...
Regrets.

You will wish you'd worked harder, made more money, spent more time with your family, more time with your friends.

You will reminisce fondly about all the evenings you stayed home alone, so you could refresh Facebook over and over.

On your deathbed, you will be grateful for many things.

Thank God you stayed in that job you hated for fear of rocking the boat.

Thank God you settle for friendships with total bellends instead of making the effort to meet people whowere on your wavelength.

Thank God you accepted the rejection of the woman you love, and like a total gentleman, never moved on.

Thank God you ignored your dream career, so you wouldn't upset your family.

On your deathbed, you'll be glad you didn't tell these humans you loved that you loved them before they were gone
Forever.

You'll be glad you spent years taking passive-aggressive comments personally from people who are probably just miserable dicks themselves.

You'll be glad that you were too cautious to pursue your actual passions in life.

On your deathbed, you certainly won't think back on whatever it is you worried about constantly, and laugh at how utterly insignificant it actually was compared to what a fucking amazing time you couldhave been having with a body that hadn't started falling apart yet.

In an age more enlightened than any that have come before.

Life was fleeting, and luckily you wasted the entire thing.

And with self-doubt and apathy, you did fuck it up.
But that is irrelevant now, at the end, all things considered. all beds made. all I's dotted and T's crossed.